Gender & Equality

A Person Who Argues Back Is Disrespectful

A person's assertiveness is labelled a character flaw to suppress their voice

Free foundational 8 minutes Domain 2 of 119

The Situation

What They Said

“A person who argues back is disrespectful and aggressive. You need to learn to speak when spoken to.”

This phrase is used by a family member, partner, employer, or community figure when a person disagrees with a decision, raises a concern, or does not accept a directive without question — reframing their legitimate response as a personality defect.

Your Response

How to Respond

Under Article 5 of Law 26.485, your demand that I remain silent and your labeling of my disagreement as aggression constitutes psychological violence. I have the right to express my opinions and participate in decisions without being subjected to control or humiliation.

Now say it out loud. The Advocate walks you through this scenario with audio, law references, and Scripture — so the words come out right when it matters.

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The Fallacy

Double Standard / Tone Policing

This argument applies a different standard of acceptable communication to certain individuals or groups than to others — a person who asserts themselves may be called decisive or confident, while another doing the same is labelled disrespectful or aggressive. This is a double standard logical fallacy. It also employs tone policing: focusing on the manner of communication to avoid engaging with the substance of what is being said. Both tactics are used to suppress legitimate expression.

What the Law Says

Your Legal Foundation

Ley 26.485 de Protección Integral a las Mujeres

art. 5 de la Ley 26.485 — Gender violence law

“Psychological: That which causes emotional harm and diminished self-esteem or harms and disturbs full personal development or seeks to degrade or control her actions, behaviors, beliefs, and decisions, through threats, harassment, stalking, restriction, humiliation, dishonor, discredit, manipulation, isolation. It also includes blaming, constant surveillance, demanding obedience and submission, verbal coercion, persecution, insult, indifference, abandonment, excessive jealousy, blackmail, ridicule, exploitation, and restriction of the right to circulate, or any other means that causes harm to her psychological health and self-determination.”

The statement frames a woman's legitimate disagreement as disrespectful and aggressive, demanding she speak only when spoken to. This is psychological violence as it seeks to control her behavior and decisions through humiliation and coercion, undermining her self-determination.

What Scripture Says

God's Word on This

Acts 18:26 (NET)

“He began to speak out boldly in the synagogue, but when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained the way of God to him more accurately.”

A woman is presented in Scripture teaching and correcting a man — her authoritative contribution is recorded without any indication that it was disrespectful or inappropriate.

Proverbs 31:26 (NET)

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.”

Scripture celebrates a woman speaking with wisdom and authority — assertive speech in service of truth is presented as a virtue, not a disqualifying character flaw.

Practice

Drill Prompt

Other party: 'You're too sensitive, I'm just telling you how to behave properly. In my house, women don't talk back.' How do you respond?

What They'll Say Next

Blindside Counter-Arguments

After you give your response, they may push back. Here is how to handle each counter-argument.

They might say: “This is just a cultural norm, not violence.”

Your response: The law defines psychological violence as any act that seeks to control or degrade a woman, regardless of cultural justification. Article 5 explicitly includes 'exigencia de obediencia sumisión' and 'humillación' as forms of violence.

They might say: “I'm not doing anything physical, so it's not violence.”

Your response: Article 5 recognizes psychological violence as a distinct type, separate from physical. It includes verbal coercion, humiliation, and control, which are exactly what you are doing.

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