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Education Rights

I Am the Father — I Decide Everything

A father asserts sole decision-making authority over a child's life, denying the other parent any say

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The Situation

What They Said

“I am the father — I decide everything about this child's life. You are just the mother; you will do as I say.”
This phrase is used by a separated or divorced father who attempts to override the mother's parental rights by asserting sole authority over all decisions about the child — schooling, healthcare, religion, activities — without consultation or agreement.
The Fallacy

Appeal to Authority / Gender Hierarchy

This argument assumes that being the father grants unilateral decision-making power over a child, while diminishing the mother's role to passive compliance. This contradicts South African law, which gives both parents equal parental responsibilities and rights unless a court determines otherwise. It also perpetuates the gendered fallacy that fathers have inherently superior parental authority over mothers.

What the Law Says

Your Legal Foundation

Children's Act 38 of 2005
Section 18(1) — Parental Responsibilities and Rights
“The parental responsibilities and rights that a person may have in respect of a child include the right to care for the child; to maintain contact with the child; to act as guardian of the child; to contribute to the maintenance of the child.”
Both parents may hold parental responsibilities and rights in respect of the same child — neither parent has exclusive decision-making authority over the other by virtue of gender or biological role.
Children's Act 38 of 2005
Section 31 — Major Decisions Affecting Child
“Before a person holding parental responsibilities and rights takes a decision that is likely to change significantly, or to have a significant adverse effect on, a co-holder's exercise of their parental responsibilities and rights, that person must give due consideration to any views and wishes expressed by that co-holder (section 31(2)). Decisions likely to significantly change or adversely affect the child's living conditions, education, health or general well-being must also give due consideration to the child's own views, appropriate to the child's age and maturity (section 31(1)).”
Section 31 requires a parent to give due consideration to the other parent's views and wishes before major decisions affecting the child — where the mother also holds parental responsibilities and rights, the father cannot simply ignore her. The standard is genuine consideration of the co-holder's views, not unilateral action (though it is due consideration, not a veto).
What Scripture Says

God's Word on This

Ephesians 6:1-2 (NET)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and your mother,' which is the first commandment accompanied by a promise.”
Scripture addresses children's duty to both father and mother — 'parents' is plural and gender-inclusive. Both parents are honoured as parental authority figures, not one at the expense of the other.
Proverbs 1:8 (NET)
“Listen, my child, to the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.”
Wisdom literature presents both father's instruction and mother's teaching as equally valuable — the dismissal of the mother's voice in parenting has no scriptural basis.
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What They'll Say Next

Common Counter-Arguments

After you respond, they may push back with these arguments. Members get the full rebuttal for each.

They might say: “I have a court order granting me primary residence — I am in charge.”
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They might say: “The mother is incompetent — I should decide alone for the child's safety.”
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