A father asserts sole decision-making authority over a child's life, denying the other parent any say
Premiumintermediate8 minutes
The Situation
What They Said
“I am the father — I decide everything about this child's life. You are just the mother; you will do as I say.”
This phrase is used by a separated or divorced father who attempts to override the mother's parental rights by asserting sole authority over all decisions about the child — schooling, healthcare, religion, activities — without consultation or agreement.
The Fallacy
Appeal to Authority / Gender Hierarchy
This argument assumes that being the father grants unilateral decision-making power over a child, while diminishing the mother's role to passive compliance. This contradicts South African law, which gives both parents equal parental responsibilities and rights unless a court determines otherwise. It also perpetuates the gendered fallacy that fathers have inherently superior parental authority over mothers.
What the Law Says
Your Legal Foundation
Children's Act 38 of 2005
Section 18(1) — Parental Responsibilities and Rights
“The parental responsibilities and rights that a person may have in respect of a child include the right to care for the child; to maintain contact with the child; to act as guardian of the child; to contribute to the maintenance of the child.”
Both parents may hold parental responsibilities and rights in respect of the same child — neither parent has exclusive decision-making authority over the other by virtue of gender or biological role.
Children's Act 38 of 2005
Section 31 — Major Decisions Affecting Child
“Before a person holding parental responsibilities and rights takes any decision on any matter listed in this section which is likely to significantly change or to have an adverse effect on the child's living conditions, education, health, spiritual welfare and general well-being, that person must consult any other person who holds parental responsibilities and rights in respect of that child.”
Section 31 explicitly requires the consulting of co-holders of parental responsibilities and rights before major decisions — a father cannot unilaterally make significant decisions without consulting the mother where she also holds parental responsibilities and rights.
What Scripture Says
God's Word on This
Ephesians 6:1-2 (NET)
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and your mother,' which is the first commandment accompanied by a promise.”
Scripture addresses children's duty to both father and mother — 'parents' is plural and gender-inclusive. Both parents are honoured as parental authority figures, not one at the expense of the other.
Proverbs 1:8 (NET)
“Listen, my child, to the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.”
Wisdom literature presents both father's instruction and mother's teaching as equally valuable — the dismissal of the mother's voice in parenting has no scriptural basis.
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What They'll Say Next
Common Counter-Arguments
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They might say: “I have a court order granting me primary residence — I am in charge.”
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They might say: “The mother is incompetent — I should decide alone for the child's safety.”
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