If You Leave, You'll Never See Them Again

This threat is one of the most powerful tools of coercive control in a domestic violence context. It works on multiple levels: it exploits the victim's deepest attachment — their children — and simultaneously presents a false legal narrative designed to make escape feel impossible. Many victims of domestic violence stay in dangerous situations not because they are unaware of the danger, but because they genuinely believe that leaving will cost them their children. The claim that 'courts always side with fathers' is simply false as a matter of Australian family law. The Family Law Act 1975 is structured around the best interests of the child as the paramount consideration, and there is no presumption in favour of either parent based on gender. In fact, courts take evidence of domestic violence very seriously as a factor that can significantly limit a violent parent's access to children. A victim who leaves is not surrendering their parental rights — they are often making the decision most likely to result in them having safe, protected time with their children. This threat is also part of what Australian law increasingly recognises as coercive control — a pattern of behaviour that uses fear, intimidation, and manipulation to dominate a partner. Several Australian states have enacted or are enacting specific coercive control legislation. Understanding that this threat is both a legal lie and potentially itself a criminal act can be the knowledge that gives a victim the courage to leave safely.